One of my earliest memories is waking up in the middle of the night, screaming, completely riddled with fear. My mum came running in panicked and asked what had happened. Through sobs I muttered “I don’t want you to die…” I remember her look of confusion, why was her 3 year old dreaming of her dying. She laughed, cuddled me and promised she wasn’t going anywhere. She stayed true to her word for 22 years.
My name is Cara, I’m 27, a mother, a wife and an orphan. In September 2015 I lost my mum to Oesophageal cancer, 6 months later, I lost my dad to a heart attack. The last 2 years have been agonising, but somehow, my own heart kept beating, and one year on, I’ve moved to Dubai with my husband and twin 3 year olds. Whether I’m running away, or trying to find positives in my awful circumstances, I’m not sure, but we’re here, we’re surviving, and I finally think I’m ready to start sharing my story.
The plan for this blog isn’t to focus on the past, nor is it to be too forward-thinking. I choose to live moment to moment because we never know what is coming or how we will deal with it. I’ll try not to be morbid, there are days when I don’t want to get out of my bed.. but I do. And each day I do is a triumph. I will be honest. I don’t cry every day anymore, but I don’t smile every day either, some days I just feel numb. I don’t always appreciate what I have, but I know I should. I have severe anxiety since losing my parents which I have not yet come to grips with and this is something that I will document.
I miss them constantly, love them endlessly, but that love is why I’m still here. They instilled a strength in me that I didn’t know existed so this is my blog, exploring the comings and goings of a motherless daughter, a parentless parent, a mid-twenties orphan and.. more positively, a new expat, exploring the world of Dubai whilst coming to grips with my own personal grief.