One of my earliest memories is waking up in the middle of the night, screaming, completely riddled with fear. My mum came running in panicked and asked what had happened. Through sobs I muttered “I don’t want you to die…” I remember her look of confusion, why was her 3 year old dreaming of her dying. She laughed, cuddled me and promised she wasn’t going anywhere. She stayed true to her word for 22 years.

My name is Cara, I’m 27, a mother, a wife and an orphan. In September 2015 I lost my mum to Oesophageal cancer, 6 months later, I lost my dad to a heart attack. The last 2 years have been agonising, but somehow, my own heart kept beating, and one year on, I’ve moved to Dubai with my husband and twin 3 year olds. Whether I’m running away, or trying to find positives in my awful circumstances, I’m not sure, but we’re here, we’re surviving, and I finally think I’m ready to start sharing my story.

The plan for this blog isn’t to focus on the past, nor is it to be too forward-thinking. I choose to live moment to moment because we never know what is coming or how we will deal with it. I’ll try not to be morbid, there are days when I don’t want to get out of my bed.. but I do. And each day I do is a triumph. I will be honest. I don’t cry every day anymore, but I don’t smile every day either, some days I just feel numb. I don’t always appreciate what I have, but I know I should. I have severe anxiety since losing my parents which I have not yet come to grips with and this is something that I will document.

I miss them constantly, love them endlessly, but that love is why I’m still here. They instilled a strength in me that I didn’t know existed so this is my blog, exploring the comings and goings of a motherless daughter, a parentless parent, a mid-twenties orphan and.. more positively, a new expat, exploring the world of Dubai whilst coming to grips with my own personal grief.

8 thoughts on “About”

  1. You sound like a very strong and very loved woman. I think people will love to hear your journey, you sorrow, you’re passion and what your future holds! They may not be with you in person, but reading your first blog your parents loved you so much they helped you develop into a positive, articulate and loving person! Best of luck to you! X

  2. Your parents bestowed you with both beauty and intellect, these qualities evident in your writing. This may also prove cathartic as an exercise with huge value and learning for others. As ever I wish you well in all your endeavours and undertakings, knowing from the short time that I have been privileged to know you that you invariably succeed and your motivations are genuine and honest.
    Love to you all Mark!

  3. Just caught up with these and they have been so special to read, so much has happened and I know at the time it was hard for you to even stop and think about any of it or take it all in, you coped incredibly and so now is the time to reflect and remember. Keep being open and honest. Love from the Crees xxx

  4. Hello Cara.
    I’ve met you just once but you are an incredibly strong and loving young mother. The love and memories of your parents will be with you forever. I lost my mother just 3 months ago, and I’m also yet to get over the loss if I ever will. Be happy, stay strong and remember your little twins need you.
    Much love and hope to see you soon again.

  5. Hi Cara, I finally feel ready for the world of Facebook since loosing Mum…so I found your amazing blog…that I knew you should write! I have tears rolling down my cheeks at your inspirational, honest, heartfelt account of life without your Mum/best friend. You write so beautifully and honestly, please keep on doing what you do best. You have helped me (and Mum) so much in the short time we were lucky enough to have you in our lives, your wee family are so lucky to have you. We will all get there eventually….much love, Julie ❤

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